Issue 2 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham November 2003

TWATTS - Not Sunday drivers then...
'Wayne, it's yer mum - yer tea's ready...'
(Click to enlarge)
You will have noticed over the last few months an abundance of alarmingly fast, ridiculously noisy, "full body racing kit"; super-loud stereo system-equipped motor cars and cheesy hair-drier-like scooters zooming around our sleepy town.

To the uneducated, this may seem to be nothing more than just young folk driving at ridiculous speeds in built up areas for thrills, with no regard at all for human life. But no, the young drivers of our town have been working hard to place us in the Residential Street Racing Championship (RSRC), and after months of training, time trials and qualifying heats, these wonderful boys and girls have clinched our glorious town the status of "Residential Street Racing Championship - National Centre 2004".

The gaining of this highly prestigious title means that in June 2004, Keynsham will be proudly hosting the National RSRC Finals, bringing the thrills, spills and kills of motor racing to Keynsham once again. Converging on the town will be approximately 400 young, inexperienced drivers with super-fast, wide-wheeled, bass-pumping, bolt-on-plastic-bits, 'Go faster' cars from all over the UK, to compete in fourteen days of high-speed, daredevil, breakneck racing around our minor streets and lanes.

Saves on heating costs I s'pose
Albert Rd: Keep pets indoors
Vince Arder, 21, a local street racer told us: "Well mate, 'tis not bin easy, with the rozzers and all that, but I and me mates was dead keen to get them races 'ere next year. Now we gotta get some local sponsors, like. Then I can 'ave them bleedin' huge wide wheels they got in the car spares shop down the road. I'm sure they'll get I going faster. Have you 'eard me new super bass pumper bin in the back? 'Tis bleedin' out of this world - make you deaf it will! Oi Tracey - turn that 8 track up and get them tunes pumping you old slapper!"

The Keynsham team, known locally as 'TWATTS', will be competing in 8 of the 10 disciplines that the RSRC will lay on. The two events in which our town will not be represented are 'The Over 30's' and 'Factory Spec Car', due to the fact that Keynsham has no eligible candidates at this time. One local resident, Vick, told Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum: "I'm not too keen on their music - you can't hear the words - but I guess it's better than if they just hang around street corners doing nowt!"

The full itinerary and maps of the raceways will be available within the coming months. Following a swift call to the RSRC we can confirm that Albert Road will be the venue for the "Drag Racing" contest. We'll keep you posted on all the latest developments as they happen. Charlton Bottom


Did you know that other small towns exist way beyond the Kelston Mountains? It's true! If you don't believe us, check out the BUMPKIN CREW, from a land called 'Froomeshire'.

Anna Cacia-Court is back on the war-path, and this month it's the war-path that's coming under fire... READ MORE

The former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf continues his oblique insight into Keynsham life. It seems he's now working in the Cadbury's P.R. dept. MORE

Another exclusive Keynsham webcam, which we've located in that mysterious green box outside Somerfield. VIEW IT

What does the weather have in store for the Keynsham area in November? VIEW WEATHER

Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
Presenting our exclusive range of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts. Coming soon to a High Street near you! BUY STUFF