Issue 4 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham January 2004
The infamous St John's Court car park, site of proposed new Uber-school
  Schools out forever...

I can't believe they wants to bugger about with our schools again, what with the ideal to make one big school at St John's car park and close what is probably the best two learning houses in town - Kelston Road and Bath Hill. Me and a load of me mates were teached there and if you wants me to be honest, weeem the brainy lot out of our gang. Me Chandag mates is dead fick!

So leave things how they is cos we needs that gravel patch for a new supermarket mainly cos Somerfield aint up to much is it? What next? Soon they'll be knocking down all the parks and building a new one somewhere. If you asks I, they wants to build expensive homes where the schools are. This place is going to the dogs. So am I - wiv me mate Vern on Friday night. Nice one! 'Smudger' Smythe, Lays Drive.

• There must be a 'property development' reason buried somewhere beneath all of this. A special Cane Shum Double Decker will be arriving shortly via your local postie.

Aigt guv. You simply MUST have the 'Keynsham Is Safe! - Protected!' t-shirt made up! I'd buy 5! *Bo.

I've been perusing your most glorious of creations, and I see there is somewhat of a shortage of so called "t-shirts" with the rather humourous saying of "It's Better Than Rijeka". I know this to be true, and feel it is about time Keynsham gets the credit it deserves. Now would you be a dear and contemplate the issue in hand; you may even want to pop over for a slice of battenburg (no more mind you - what d'you think I am, a Battenburg factory of something!). You may even want to do a feature on battenburg and create a t-shirt with a bat and a burg on it. Tally-ho, Rijeka Man, Rijeka.

• Free cake? We'll be over on the next flight out of Lulsgate 'International' Airport.

Re: Issue 2 Mini Moan 3: Anna, quite right about the charity shops, question I ask is why do we have so many, couldn't the Cane Shum people get together and arrange for all crap items to be redistributed without the need for such a massive mark up in price. Could we have a car boot sale where all items are free? After all, don't charity shops enjoy tax privileges such as no VAT, no business rates, no staff wages, no tax on profits? Why charge prices that make antique shops look cheap? Regards. P.

• The facts speak for themselves. Thanks for the email.

First visit to the site. Very good. Look forward to future issues. P/K R.

• Your gushing words of kindness and support have inspired us to take up bungee jumping in the new year. Thanks!

Mission control
Fed up with Keynsham life? Discovered a new religion? Landed your mum's hoover on Mars? Want to trace old enemies? Been offended by an article in Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum? Let anger be your energy! Nip over to the CONTACT page and tell the known universe...

Find out what the elements have in store for Keynsham in January. VIEW WEATHER

Anna Cacia-Court hits out at the park-and-commute workers clogging our residential streets with their cars. READ MORE

Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
They're selling like hot cakes in Keynsham and Bath - Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts are on sale now! FULL DETAILS

As the New Year starts I tend to look ahead and ask myself many questions, what will this New Year bring? Fame? Lorry loads of cash? Could my taxes be spent wisely in Keynsham? Will I ever see the Dial-A-Ride bus with people on? Can the missing dragon be found? Should I have another Double Decker? Will me BMW pass the MOT again? Dare I wear my “Cane Shum” T-shirt down the High Street? Well you’ll have your own set of questions to ask yourself, but can I just say “Enjoy all what you do with your life, make the most of your time and make love not war, dudes! Oh, and of course, keep reading this wonderful piss-taking, Keynsham-loving interweave site!” Take care, catch you soon, Charlton Bottom.