Issue 4 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham January 2004

'Thar she blows'
The weather outlook for January with our man in the wellies Albert Mills.

"January - a time for turning new leaves and for giving things up. Or for giving up turning new leaves. Those of you still suffering a hangover from 2003 may be interested to know that last year was the driest since the Romans. At the height of summer, the boating pond in the 'New' Park was down by 88%, mainly due to the pump being knackered again. The nearby River Chew actually started to flow backwards during August, such was the severity of the drought. The region's gardens were reduced to deserts, with dunes reaching heights of over 6 metres in some places, prompting off-roaders to 'Do a Paris-Dakar' down Chandag Road.

Forty days and forty nights... Even our town's shops felt the effects, with sun block selling out in March and Peacocks' shelves stripped of grotesquely-patterned shorts by early May. Ice cream was rare commodity by June, with Cornetto prices on e-bay reaching in excess of 40. At one stage the water shortage was so bad that alcohol sales in the local pubs were up by 2,500%, forcing the deployment of cider tankers to placate the frantic crowds. Even our roads began to decay into pot-holed dirt tracks as the temperatures soared. Had the December monsoons not arrived, experts predicted the town would have literally 'blown away on the breeze', such was the heat.

Thankfully the rains did come and normal service has been returned to Keynsham, with river levels at their highest for six centuries. And that's pretty much the picture for January - a deluge of rain that's set to continue well into the autumn. The weather office is advising anyone living within seven miles of the river to move to high ground, i.e. the roof of Tintagel Flats." Albert Mills

IN 1968, flood damage occured when a 10ft high wave crashed through the town. The wall of water was caused by a fat kid 'bombing' into the Chew at Pensford.
THE NEW sluice gate on the Chew in Keynsham Park was installed at a cost of 85,000 as the old one wouldn't open. The new one has never been opened. Doh!
'THE RAIN in town falls mainly on the Crown (Field)', according to the ancient proverb. Over 4 cubic miles of rain is expected in Keynsham this month alone.

Anna Cacia-Court hits out at the park-and-commute workers clogging our residential streets with their cars. READ MORE

His ex-boss has been nicked by the Yanks, and now the former Iraqi Dis-Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf seems to be working for the council. Shocker! GO TO MO!

The Cane Shum web cam is stuck in traffic at the Hicks Gate roundabout. VIEW IT

Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
They're selling like hot cakes in Keynsham and Bath - Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts are on sale now! FULL DETAILS