Issue 2 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham November 2003
Keynsham's clock tower - design award not pictured

Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum is published on or around the first of every month from the USS Internet spacestation orbiting the Earth. It's function is to offer a better way of life to the people of Keynsham (and the entire world for that matter) using the stress-controlling phenomenon that has come to be known as 'humour'. The idea for this site came from That Be Bristle - Bristol's most-excellent satire website. We're not out to purposely shock and offend, but if we happen to touch on a few raw nerves, well that's just the sound of free speech. If we can't laugh at our home town, what can we do?

Johnnie's Pad (Former steeple not pictured) Keynsham is a much-grown commuter town, plonked bang in between Bristol and Bath, with a population of 16,000 humans. The Romans used to live here - they left a pile of rocks as a calling card - and so did St Keyna, who, in addition to generously giving her name to the town, banished a load of serpents by covering them in cement. Top lass! Keynsham is recorded in the Domesday book as 'Cainesham', with a value of about 24 grand (old money). In 1685, the battle of Sedgemoor all but kicked-off here when some Royalist scouts got into a punch-up with Monmouth's rebellious mob, who were camping in the Lock Keeper pub because it was raining.

In 1170, Keynsham took delivery of a shiny new Abbey, donated by William, Earl of Gloucester, but it wasn't to last long. In 1539, serial-shagger King Henry VIII took umbrage to it, knocking it down and building a by-pass over it. In 1270, St John the Baptist donned his Cat boots, broke out the trowel and started building a church. But his efforts were bodged and, during a bit of bad weather in 1632, the steeple fell down, either an act of God or a dodgy mix. Undeterred, some other people re-built the holy house and it still stands today - easily the most impressive 'pile' in town.

So bad they built it twice Nowadays, Keynsham is a training ground for hapless architects, with many ill-advised buildings and traffic schemes littering the place. Though Edward II granted a charter for a weekly Tuesday market in 1307, the town is now market-less again, which is a pity because old King Ed was partial to the odd stuffed olive or two. The rivers Chew and Avon no longer power the countless mills, instead carrying rich business folk in their boats to the Jolly at Saltford for lunch. Abraham Darby (the iron-bridge bloke who used to work here) must be smelting in his casket.

Anyway, enough about Keynsham and more Cane Shum... Below you will find information about the people who write this could-be-funnier excuse for a website. Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum is intended to be a satirical, unorthodox view of the town through the eyes of Keynsham people with nothing better to do. If we have caused offence then we apologise - we're just having a laugh at our own expense.

Albert Mills FORMER GARDENING correspondent for the now-defunct 'Somerset Oracle', Albert is one of the two founding editors of this fabled tome. His claim to fame is that he was once in the audience at the filming of BBC's 'Nationwide' program, an accolade which alone was enough to land him the job at Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. He is the author of one book, 'Overnight Failure', and is separated from wife Estelle, with no accountable children. MORE

Charlton Bottom CHARLTON BOTTOM once famously claimed, improbably, to have been present when the Romans were last in the town, and is the website's other founding editor. A former member of 70's glam rock band The Mutz Nutz, Charlton began his journalistic career as a stringer for the lowly 'Ubley Gazette', during which time he covered the story of the infamous Cider Drought of 1985. He has four children and is blissfully married to his beloved wife of 15 years, Rosy.

Anna Cacia-Court THE DELIGHTFUL Anna was the first writer to be recruited to the team after she knocked on Charlton's door late one night to ask for assistance with her broken down VW Beetle. The former Arts & Entertainment correspondent for London's 'Capital Punishment' magazine, Ms Cacia-Court has been resident in the town for over a decade. Much-travelled, Anna is mother to six children and is happily married to Arthur, a commercial airline pilot.

Issue 1 of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum hits the news! We made it to the EVENING POST (click HERE to read what they said) and, miraculously, we were 'Site Of Issue' in VENUE (click HERE to view the clipping). Thanks to both publications for the kind words. You rock man!

Anna Cacia-Court is back on the war-path, and this month it's the war-path that's coming under fire... READ MORE

The former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf continues his oblique insight into Keynsham life. It seems he's now working in the Cadbury's P.R. dept. MORE

Remembering Keynsham's war dead
Wear your poppy with pride. Remember the Keynsham people who gave their lives whilst fighting for this country.

Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
Presenting our exclusive range of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts. Coming soon to a High Street near you! BUY STUFF

Once again, we're asking for a certain, unknown fellow or lass to step up to the Cane Shum Court dock and "Fess Up" to their actions or wrong-doings. So would the town citizen(s) responsible for repeatedly smashing up the phone boxes at the bottom of the famous Bath Hill slope please stand up! Your executioners await. What the f**k is wrong with you man!? Just take a crate of empties to the bottle bank like the rest of us if you need to purge your built-up anger. Plonkers. Get a life will ya.