"It's now widely accepted that satellite weather forecasting technology is really not very good. But less well-known is the fact that the water wheel on the River Chew in Keynsham's Memorial Park is one of the most reliable methods of predicting what the elements have in store. In ancient times, the under-shot wheel provided power to the nearby thermometer factory. However, it fell into disrepair during the 1800's and was only restored by YTS workers following complaints from the Meteorological Office cleaner.

The principal behind the wheel's great prophesising powers is a fairly simple one: The faster it spins, the wetter the weather has been. At the time of the Great Flood™ in 1968, the over-sized cog rotated at speeds of up to 560 mph, almost as fast as Phil's A-Bus travels into Bristol. During the drought of 1976, the wheel was broken - bogged down in silt - so no useful information was gathered. Occasionally it's revolving ways are reversed, signalling a very high tide. Throughout the ages it has painted an accurate picture of the region's preceding weather.

So, what does November hold in store? Well, a trip down to the river has revealed little or no rotation, so the weather will remain dry and settled, with occasional fog showers. I strongly advise the packing of a cagoule and stout drinking boots. Either that, or the bugger's silted up again." Albert Mills